Mn... Maybe you should try to slowly change yourself in a way, so you won't feel like you're faking, anymore? At least, with the slowest of changes, as well as the most subtle, it doesn't feel like you're, as you put it, abandoning yourself. Especially if you only feel it somewhat... Slower would probably be better, in that case.

Is it at least rewarding, for you, to take part in it?