thefifthmonarch | (no subject)

You're just a brat. Hiding behind your parent's money. Even if you were the original, she's more 'true' than you'll ever be... because she can feel from the heart.

All your supposed 'culture', all your 'upbringing'... and you still fight like some urchin on the street. Good job, good job.

You're treating me as if I'm two seperate people. I'm not Samasu Souha, goddamnit. This "Truer me" is just me as Clark Kent. I changed for a stituation, Eusebius. I was happy, goddamnit.

And you think my current form is any different from your situation? Indeed, your analogy holds far more true for me than you.

Keh. I couldn't care about what you are. I'm UPSET THAT I'M ME AGAIN. DON'T YOU GET IT?

We are upset because we have to face the facts again, dahling.

...okay, then maybe I don't. How about you walk me through this.

I made a wish to the witch named Ichihara Yuuko to make me think, act, walk and talk as if I came from a lower class family than the one I really was born into, dahling.

This way of talking. This way of acting. Was supposed to vanish for three months until March, when I would make a decision. I feel cheated of my choice because now, guess what, I'M THINKING LIKE I REALLY DO. I MISS MY MAKE UP. MY CLOTHES. MY ROOM IS GOING TO BE A BUNK BED SOON, GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.

Hmm... so this isn't an actual seperate personality, but rather, a sort of forced perspective change.

...So, basically, it's a case of mind fighting with the blinders, in a sense...

Hmm... I don't have enough data to say much on this, but it appears the wish is at least somewhat intact... it's just that you can break through somehow... so why are you like this NOW? What made you feel you had to come out?

(Yes, I do realize that it was at least partially my comment... but why would that break your perspective?)

Exactly. The only thing that really changed was my tolerance to what I owned.

Yes.

I... feel too stung and reminded of myself by my own comment and your comment. If you need an explaination. Basically, I got too reminded of who I really am, and it broke what train of thought which lead to me speaking like this again, dahling.

Keh. Why should I even talk to you if you can't respect what I was to begin with. I love who I am. Was. Whatever.

Well in that case, probably just need to take a night's sleep, and once you aren't focused on this the wish will take hold again.

Because I wouldn't respect myself if I acted like that anymore, and considering I easily put several tens of millions of dollars worth (at current conversion rates) of money in the bank, I don't see it as a reason to consider oneself superior, let alone obnoxiously act as such.

Most likely, Eusebius. Besides, the reason I snapped is I felt the need to be sarcastic, and the only way to do that is how I do it. My sarcasm was all regulated to my "Bratty" side.

Because I was born into wealth. I was taught and reinforced this made me better than lesser wealthy people.

Keh. Not like you care though.

...ah ha... Basically, I stepped on the loose panel, and caused a collapse.

I was 'born' into treating humans like toys. I changed. Hence why I don't see your problem.

I do... if only a bit. I screwed up. At the very least, I want to know how.

If you want to put it like that, Eusebius.

Because I'm an a heir. Eventually, I have to manage that money. If I remember correctly, and I can't entirely, I'm an only child.

You made an ill comment. And you're insulting my real identity. Something I used to and still try to have pride in.

Fair enough, but I still don't see why that dictates your very personality.

Because to me, it's such a silly thing. While you might not like it, I really do think your forced perspective shift was for the better. While you might take pride... I see it as arrogance. It insults the part of me that still takes pride in who I really am, because it tries to devalue the choices I've made. However, I'm happier as I am now. Which way were you happier?

Because I was brought up to manage that eventually.

I DON'T KNOW. THAT WAS PART OF THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS.

I see it as a very ineffective way of managing it, myself.

You said you were happy a while ago, and that's at least one reason you're angry at me for temporarily breaking it now.

Keh. You don't have the same experience as me.

... Yes and no. I am happy, yet I can't say this is what I really want to be, Eusebius.

Not at the moment, no... but I've basically played chess with people's lives. I'd think the principles are similar, at least.

Honestly, you seem to think it's a matter of rich or not rich... but it really isn't. It's about how you carry yourself, and not acting like a brat. Without your ego flaunting... I really wouldn't mind you either way. Maybe you shouldn't focus so much on "A or B", and more on which aspects of yourself you'd be happier if you changed. It's not to say that it all has to be one way or the other.

Hmm.

Tell that to my parents. They consider my bratty behavior. How I really am, good. Kind of. My parents would be shocked if I ever acted like I am now to them, Eusebius. For me, there is only A and B.

Act differently around them. About everyone acts differently around their parents.

Heck, even now you're more tolerable. For one thing, you're being more honest... and for another, you don't have that fake accent.

Can't. Home and Work don't seperate for us, Eusebius.

We like that accent. It's fun to do, dahling. You should hear me laugh.

Then you're basically making your own problems by not being flexible.

I could probably stand the laugh. The "dahling" is annoying, though.

We just know it'll lead to trouble.

What's wrong with it? It's a word we like.

So it leads to trouble. Such is life.

Hmm... it's hard to pin-point things specifically... but I think one part is that it suggest a false level of familiarity. Don't like it. It'd be kind of like... me calling you 'hun'. That... and it doesn't fit the rest of you, really.

And we're going to avoid it.

How perverse, Mr. Eusebius. Doesn't fit?

No, you're just choosing a different kind of trouble. Sacrificing closeness with non-family for closeness with family.

Then you caught my drift, to an extent, yes?

Mmm... at least not right now. It feels false. Like acting. And being how I am, I feel compelled to tear that down. Obsessive compulsive, you might say.