[Event Post]

[thefifthmonarch]

::So, you're near the waterfront. Well, there's a skantily clad older lady covered in sea weed and coral with a cartoonish trident. Riding a giant half-insectoid fish with mechanical legs and pipes. She seems to be ranting about new order, paradigm shifts, and synergy.

Clearly you should bean sanity into her.::

Comments

[thefifthmonarch]

WHERE EVERYWHERE!?

::Flails. I'm not plastic, am I!?::

[out_of_place]

"Your boobs. Cheeks. Probably a butt lift. Tummy tuck. Stomach Staple. Constant spa treatment to keep your skin from being too dry. Fake tan."

[thefifthmonarch]

I willed my body into existence, thank you very much.

[out_of_place]

"Is that what they call 'sobbing while throwing money at a plastic surgeon' these days?"

[thefifthmonarch]

... It's not that bad, is it!?

[out_of_place]

"It's pretty bad, lady. You look like you belong on a shelf next to barbie."

"Like, Barbie's strung out desperate aunt."

[theheadmonarch]

How does any of this look like strung out, desperate or aunt like? How is my skin dry!? How does this look like a tummy tuck!? A stomach staple!? A fake tan!?

::Groping her yuppie snooty self.::

[out_of_place]

"You're old, you're skinny like an old aunt desperate to fight off the clock, your skin would dry in a second without constant treatment, and you clearly are only as skinny as you are through outside help."

[theheadmonarch]

Or maybe because I constantly work out, you little brat! Do you know who I am!?

::Raises her fists to the air, as thunder booms.::

[out_of_place]

"Grandma Winter?"

[theheadmonarch]

::Attacks you with her trident, screeching in Angrish.::

[out_of_place]

A feminine arm, with milky white skin and a long pink glove adorned with strawberries, dollops of cream, and sprinkes comes out of thin air and grabs your face, Noriko. And yanks. It stretches your face. Which is not only surreal to look at but feels super weird, like your face being asleep. Penny is smiling her dopey dumb smiley.

"Cloudberry Jam!"

[theheadmonarch]

!?!?!?!

::What the hell are you doing. D8::

[out_of_place]

"Snap back! Let's see how pretty you normally are, Auntie."

The hand lets go and disappears as your face snaps back into place. It probably snaps the Swarm right out of you.

[theheadmonarch]

::She's kind of a plush auntie type with soft curves that were missing around her stomach.

... Meanwhile, there's a giant hideous insect... thing trying to swing down on you.::

... Huh buh wha.

[out_of_place]

"I ALREADY SAID I'M THE COD OF WAR!"

She shrieks that, the invisible force pummeling the insect relentlessly.

[theheadmonarch]

... What. Did. You. Do.

::Staring in disbelief.::

[out_of_place]

"Huh. Nothing. Forget it auntie."

She pats Noriko's had.

[theheadmonarch]

But. I. There was. Oh god...

::Plops onto the street baffled.::

[out_of_place]

"A bug. I don't know why."

[theheadmonarch]

... I am going to kill that man.

::She's clearly too angry. She needs to be smiley or she will go get tummy tucks and visit spas and get cheap tans.::

[out_of_place]

"You should relax."

Still patting your head.

[theheadmonarch]

But evil white haired insect guy.

[out_of_place]

"If I find him I will bring him to justice by which I mean pummel him furiously."

Pat pat.

[theheadmonarch]

But he's my problem. I should take care of him. And I'm not 16 right now, so can you stop patting me.