[Event Post]

[thefifthmonarch]

::So, you're near the waterfront. Well, there's a skantily clad older lady covered in sea weed and coral with a cartoonish trident. Riding a giant half-insectoid fish with mechanical legs and pipes. She seems to be ranting about new order, paradigm shifts, and synergy.

Clearly you should bean sanity into her.::

Comments

[out_of_place]

"....Do you come in peace?"

There's a girl wearing a foam rubber fish costume with her face poking out of a hole in the mouth.

[thefifthmonarch]

I come in the form of complete and utter corporate domination.

::Waves the trident.::

[out_of_place]

"Oh, this is like an ad for a fish market."

[thefifthmonarch]

No. This is an ad for your future.

::The mecha bug fish attacks with spindly claw leg!::

[out_of_place]

Something punches the Mecha Bug fish in the face. Penny isn't moving. It's a hard enough punch to shove it back a few feet.

[thefifthmonarch]

::Oh god, what the hell.::

... Heigh-ho, Deathfish! Bring the insolent girl to her knees!

::It attacks again with the same attack pattern.::

[out_of_place]

Penny punches it this time. It's like Jinn or Onni hit it. It threatens to flip back into the sea with you on it, Miss Hostile Takeover.

"FOOLISH FISH. I AM THE COD OF WAR."

[thefifthmonarch]

::Lets go, watching her fish fly into the air and explode into bug Sushi.::

My fish!

[out_of_place]

"That was fun. I will buy your product, mysterious crazy lady."

[thefifthmonarch]

My product is assimilation into the Swarm. Become one with the song of madness!

::She attacks with the trident.::

[out_of_place]

You stab her right in the face, and it bends like it's made of foam.

[thefifthmonarch]

... wut.

[out_of_place]

She bends the trident all the way down like it's rubber, Then lets it snap back and the shaft whack you in the face.

The shaft is not rubber when it hits you.

[thefifthmonarch]

OH GOD WHAT MY FACE IS MADE OF PAIN. PAINFUL THINGS HURT. ;^;

[out_of_place]

"That's what I'd be saying if you had stabbed me, crazy lady."

[thefifthmonarch]

I am not crazy! You're the crazy one!

::Whaps you on the head with the blind side of the trident!::

[out_of_place]

"OW!"

"You TRIED TO STAB ME YA HALF-PLASTIC DIMWIT"

She rubs her head.

[thefifthmonarch]

... How am I half-plastic?

[out_of_place]

"You look like you had a bunch of work done."

[thefifthmonarch]

W-work!? WHERE.

[out_of_place]

"Everywhere."

[thefifthmonarch]

WHERE EVERYWHERE!?

::Flails. I'm not plastic, am I!?::

[out_of_place]

"Your boobs. Cheeks. Probably a butt lift. Tummy tuck. Stomach Staple. Constant spa treatment to keep your skin from being too dry. Fake tan."

[thefifthmonarch]

I willed my body into existence, thank you very much.

[out_of_place]

"Is that what they call 'sobbing while throwing money at a plastic surgeon' these days?"