Filtered from 'Akihara, Ryuuji'

[thefifthmonarch]

Mmm. Feel depressed, despite arguing with that guy.

Can people stop something as great truth, if hope is strong enough?

Mmm. Feel a little lonely.

... and he had to attack me about that...

Probably gonna be miserable.

Comments

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

Hard to feel lonely, when someone speaks to you, Noriko.

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

Heh. True. Just... Feel back at square one.

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

Ah? Square one? Because of the person you spoke to, correct?

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

Just... hit a nerve...

Mmm...

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

...Mn...

You might be on square one right now, but I'm sure you'll be able to move on from that, once more.

You moved on from it before. What's to say you can't do so again?

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

Just... why move forward if I'll never find an answer to anything?

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

Are you sure that you'll never find an answer, Noriko?

What if the answer you seek was past the point where you were? What if you had passed it before, and this is now your chance to retrace your steps, to get the opportunity again?

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

... What do you mean?

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

There is always a answer to a problem, Noriko. No matter how small, or how big, or how absolutely frustrating.

It might just not be obvious, the first time you try to find it. You might miss it, when you look one time, and then you'll spot it the next.

Being back on square one, in and of itself... Might ultimately lead to you finding the "answer" you want. That you wish for.

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

... And what if I can't accept an answer at all?

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

Then that is your ability of acceptance, that would get in the way. Not the inability to find an answer or to look for one; just the ability to accept.

...Tell me, out of curiosity... How would you like it, if there was a world, in which you could be who you wanted to be, and you'd still have the same living conditions that you do? Your parents would accept you as you are. Your friends will be close to you, and care for you, as much as you care about them. You wouldn't have to worry about disappointing anyone. You wouldn't have to worry about losing what you have.

How would you like that, just out of curiosity?

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

... I'd want that very much, but such a thing is impossible, Shikou.

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahah... Nothing is ever impossible, Noriko.

At this point... It might be "improbable"... But one day soon, that will be a possible reality.

The ability to make it the true reality would come, as well, depending on the circumstances... And depending on your choices.

[pureplainpatron.livejournal.com]

It's happened more than once, so I'd have to say 'yes'.

Attacked you about what?

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

Why I'm bothering defending and arguing for solving problems concerning others when I can't solve my own.

[pureplainpatron.livejournal.com]

Ah ha... Well, in your defense, sometimes figuring it out for others can help you figure out your own problems.

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

Pfft, like I can solve my problems. I just need to muster up the courage to have the Witch remove this hex on my mind.

[pureplainpatron.livejournal.com]

Heh. I still think it's not as hopeless as you think, but we've already been over that, haven't we?

Why not keep riding it out? What do you have to lose?

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

Everything. Suicide.

Just... a lot of things.

[pureplainpatron.livejournal.com]

...Suicide isn't an option. If you're going to be so bad that you can't find a use for your life, then give it to me and I'll find one for you.

What sort of things?

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

What sort of a use could you have for me? I'd still know this is a fraud.

... I just... can't be a Pauper and a Princess at the same time.

[pureplainpatron.livejournal.com]

I could always find one. Better that then wasting your life.

You could just be a nice princess, who doesn't talk down to people, or you could switch between as needed. Both would work, at least to an extent. Although the first would work better, in my opinion.

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

Like what?

I'm not going to become two people. I can't merge, I have to be as Shikou put it, a spoiled brat.

[pureplainpatron.livejournal.com]

I don't know off the top of my head. ;P Maybe a maid. *shrugs*

Because you don't want to take a chance so you can have your cake and eat it too. Because you're so scared of failure that you won't even think about how things might not be so bad even if you do.

[thefifthmonarch.livejournal.com]

I am not hired help.

Because if I fail, I have nothing.

Honestly, I wish I could just go back to being myself... people treating me as I deserve to be treated. Obviously, it was a lie to want friendship.