[Event Post]

[thefifthmonarch]

::So, you're near the waterfront. Well, there's a skantily clad older lady covered in sea weed and coral with a cartoonish trident. Riding a giant half-insectoid fish with mechanical legs and pipes. She seems to be ranting about new order, paradigm shifts, and synergy.

Clearly you should bean sanity into her.::

Comments

[out_of_place]

Something punches the Mecha Bug fish in the face. Penny isn't moving. It's a hard enough punch to shove it back a few feet.

[thefifthmonarch]

::Oh god, what the hell.::

... Heigh-ho, Deathfish! Bring the insolent girl to her knees!

::It attacks again with the same attack pattern.::

[out_of_place]

Penny punches it this time. It's like Jinn or Onni hit it. It threatens to flip back into the sea with you on it, Miss Hostile Takeover.

"FOOLISH FISH. I AM THE COD OF WAR."

[thefifthmonarch]

::Lets go, watching her fish fly into the air and explode into bug Sushi.::

My fish!

[out_of_place]

"That was fun. I will buy your product, mysterious crazy lady."

[thefifthmonarch]

My product is assimilation into the Swarm. Become one with the song of madness!

::She attacks with the trident.::

[out_of_place]

You stab her right in the face, and it bends like it's made of foam.

[thefifthmonarch]

... wut.

[out_of_place]

She bends the trident all the way down like it's rubber, Then lets it snap back and the shaft whack you in the face.

The shaft is not rubber when it hits you.

[thefifthmonarch]

OH GOD WHAT MY FACE IS MADE OF PAIN. PAINFUL THINGS HURT. ;^;

[out_of_place]

"That's what I'd be saying if you had stabbed me, crazy lady."

[thefifthmonarch]

I am not crazy! You're the crazy one!

::Whaps you on the head with the blind side of the trident!::

[out_of_place]

"OW!"

"You TRIED TO STAB ME YA HALF-PLASTIC DIMWIT"

She rubs her head.

[thefifthmonarch]

... How am I half-plastic?

[out_of_place]

"You look like you had a bunch of work done."

[thefifthmonarch]

W-work!? WHERE.

[out_of_place]

"Everywhere."

[thefifthmonarch]

WHERE EVERYWHERE!?

::Flails. I'm not plastic, am I!?::

[out_of_place]

"Your boobs. Cheeks. Probably a butt lift. Tummy tuck. Stomach Staple. Constant spa treatment to keep your skin from being too dry. Fake tan."

[thefifthmonarch]

I willed my body into existence, thank you very much.

[out_of_place]

"Is that what they call 'sobbing while throwing money at a plastic surgeon' these days?"

[thefifthmonarch]

... It's not that bad, is it!?

[out_of_place]

"It's pretty bad, lady. You look like you belong on a shelf next to barbie."

"Like, Barbie's strung out desperate aunt."

[theheadmonarch]

How does any of this look like strung out, desperate or aunt like? How is my skin dry!? How does this look like a tummy tuck!? A stomach staple!? A fake tan!?

::Groping her yuppie snooty self.::

[out_of_place]

"You're old, you're skinny like an old aunt desperate to fight off the clock, your skin would dry in a second without constant treatment, and you clearly are only as skinny as you are through outside help."